Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
