I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
did i just pee glitter
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
