It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
