make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
