Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
