Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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