I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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