I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
