it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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