Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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