I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
