i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
