Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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