once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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