I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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