Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
