I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
