who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am mentally ready for anal.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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