Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
