Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
