If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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