yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
