She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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