There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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