dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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