We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
