if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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