new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
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so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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