They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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