took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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