Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
