you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
