I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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