haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
