you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
