Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
