Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Houston, we have a squirter
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
