my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
