he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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