Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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