I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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