wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
