Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
