the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
