I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize