Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I want a musical about memes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
