she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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