Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
