those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
