I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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