Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
