so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
