I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
