When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
