At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
