if i can run in heels then i can drive
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
