I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize