oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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