We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
its liver damage thursday
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