I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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