apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
